Desolation I

I'm a coward.
I know this because I'm pouring out my blackest gems into the internet.
And only it.
I can't show these gems to my loved ones, I would be ostracized.... and deserve it, but we've gone over the fact that I'm a coward already.
I just need it beat into me, so please, forgive my shameful self-debasement.... although I don't deserve that forgiveness.

I hope no one ever finds these writings, that I know of at least, but I'm at the mercy of the universe.
Maybe when I die I can unveil these horrid things, did you forget I was a coward? I can't face the guilt or the shame, I didn't return from the abyss for that purpose, I came back because I was needed... because I'd stop caring about myself and became a martyr, my loved ones needed me......
Anyways, I'll have them look for this when I return to the great abyss, they deserve the truth.

It's inevitable that someone finds this, I just hope it's the right person.
Maybe I'm not such a coward after all.
(Yes I am.)

Greatshell