The Saidin Carapace

The madness of Saidin taints all, the slick oil stain hardens into an impenetrable carapace, now my only concern is that I not suffocate in this shell. The channeling has become an important facet now, necessary to my performance. It's the furnace for my emotions now, where they are burned like metals, smelted into weapons to aid me in my worldly successes, to aid me to the top.... but the price is steep, I become more and more numb, unfeeling and uncaring, I find myself fabricating my reactions and emotions...... except happiness. I'm genuinely happy, but it's one of my few remaining genuine emotions.... sadness, compassion, empathy, those are gone.... I think, or buried. The madness is long away, but it creeps and I can feel it at times.... beckoning.

Voidbringer Encounter (Waking the Demon)

Hate reigns again, sitting on my crimson covered throne.
It rules with a bloody fist, and with it shakes my world.

Ruin lives again, it's flowing in my veins
The blood runs anew, drowning out the new.


The demon treads again, chaos at his heels.
It grips my chains, I forget to feel,
but I can't help my peals.

Everything is red again, the blood pours from within,
I can't resist this freezing mist,
as feeling flees again.

I let it build up inside of me,
the circle turns the wheel.
The thorn wound bleeds and festers,
and I've lost my only steel.

Greatshell

Desolation II

The wheel has turned and a new pattern arises from the ashes, I have run away.
But I can't escape myself.
My defect, my horrible, blasphemous nature has been released.
The demon has struck and now my whole pattern is at stake...... the tragedy is the need for the demon now,
to protect my pattern and continue this new existence.

This new pattern is so beautiful, I have gained freedoms and earned rights I never could have back in The Blight. Everything is new, my Nameless One is gone, we no longer communicate, replaced by an Avatar of Hope, such a beautiful creature.... I long to share my weaving's with them. My Circle is gone, Chaos, Conceit, Morpheus, and Wanderer are back in The Blight, I have abandoned them, I could not stand the smell of rot... they hate me now, I remind them of Dreamer they say, that I have abandoned them like he did.... they are probably right. Now I'm acquiring a fresh Circle just one piece so far, things are looking up, I no longer have to deal with Pain, Brightness Al, Deception, Dependency, or Mistake.

Now, like before, I'm utterly alone, with no one to share with this new Gemheart harvest, I have only my bare hands to dig this out before it kills me.... My fear is death now, the silent specter always hovering in the background....... I will remain alone, these Gemhearts will see me destroyed, so I must harvest and hide.
Like a coward.

Greatshell

Desolation I

I'm a coward.
I know this because I'm pouring out my blackest gems into the internet.
And only it.
I can't show these gems to my loved ones, I would be ostracized.... and deserve it, but we've gone over the fact that I'm a coward already.
I just need it beat into me, so please, forgive my shameful self-debasement.... although I don't deserve that forgiveness.

I hope no one ever finds these writings, that I know of at least, but I'm at the mercy of the universe.
Maybe when I die I can unveil these horrid things, did you forget I was a coward? I can't face the guilt or the shame, I didn't return from the abyss for that purpose, I came back because I was needed... because I'd stop caring about myself and became a martyr, my loved ones needed me......
Anyways, I'll have them look for this when I return to the great abyss, they deserve the truth.

It's inevitable that someone finds this, I just hope it's the right person.
Maybe I'm not such a coward after all.
(Yes I am.)

Greatshell